There have been a couple of occasions lately where it has been suggested to me that I ought to use my activity to raise cash for the cause with a link to justgiving for example.
I’ve chosen not to do that because I feel strongly that this something I have chosen to do for me and that even nudging someone in the direction of a donation would be wrong.
Most of the people I know are good people and will I’m sure make their own decisions about charitable giving and don’t need any emotional blackmail from me.
If it were about the money, to be frank I’d choose a different cause, when I have raised cash in the past, via the golf society I organise, it has been for the childrens hospice at Charlton Farm.
That’s not to say this isn’t a great cause but without being flippant I’m doing this because I can, and with a person in the UK dying everyday for want of something I can manage without, why not.
We all have moments in our lives that define us, some we choose, some just happen to us.
This is one I choose in the knowledge that I will be able to look back and say that on that occasion I did some good. I don’t consider myself brave because I have faith in the health professionals and the power of painkillers.
I am incredibly fortunate to be surrounded by people who care about me and my welfare and I include in that my workmates whose friendship means so much to me.
Already this has been a really interesting experience, simply witnessing the different reactions has been an eye opener. People haven’t always reacted how I imagined they might. Just last night I experienced a new emotion in this process – guilt. It came out in conversation that a friend I have known for years wasn’t aware of what I was up to. I felt guilty because I was worried he’d feel less of a friend because I hadn’t told him. Simple truth is although I keep this blog, unless people ask me what I’m up to I try not to foist it on them. It’s a bloke thing.
I’m still building up for the big challenge – telling my Dad. I love him to bits and even now with me just this side of 50, I want his approval. I’m scared stiff he’ll just not get it, even though he’s lived most of his life on one kidney and still plays golf at least 4 times a week.
Honestly I’m more scared of telling him than any part of the process, operation included.
Next step is another meeting with the nephrologist this Friday. My wife is coming too so hopefully all that remains is the CT scan and ultrasound and were on.